The Broom of the Temple

The city of Gakwak was on the verge of losing its status as the capital of the province of Ukwuk. In response, the Wampog issued a proclamation convening all male residents for a council meeting at the Temple of Ul to devise means of defense.

The first speaker proposed that the best course of action would be to offer a fried jackass to the gods. The second speaker suggested a public procession, led by the Wampog himself, carrying the Holy Poker on a cushion made of cloth-of-brass. Another resident recommended burying a scarlet mole alive in the public park, accompanied by a suitable incantation chanted over the remains. The fourth speaker advised that the columns of the capitol be rubbed with oil of dog by someone with a moustache on the calf of their leg.

After everyone had shared their ideas, an Aged Man rose to speak. "High and mighty Wampog and fellow citizens," he began, "I have listened attentively to all the plans proposed. Each one seems wise, and I have no doubt that any of them could be effective. Nevertheless, I cannot help but think that if we were to put an improved breed of polliwogs in our drinking water, construct shallower roadways, groom the street cows, offer the stranger within our gates a free choice between the poniard and the potion, and relinquish our private system of morals, the other measures for public safety would become unnecessary."

The Aged Man was about to elaborate further, but the meeting was informally adjourned to sweep the floor of the temple, as the men of Gakwak were known to be the tidiest housewives in the entire province. In a humorous turn of events, the last speaker of the day was the broom.